Net Neutrality and the COVID-19 Pandemic

June will mark the two-year anniversary that the FCC changed its position about Net Neutrality, the legal requirement that requires Internet Service Providers (ISPs) to treat all content equally. That is, your favorite news website gets equal priority with your favorite social media platform, your favorite recipe website, Netflix, Youtube, and everyone else. Net Neutrality gave us the promise that all content would be treated equally. After all, we are paying our ISPs for the access to the Internet, not to regulate what content we can use, or how fast it will be delivered.

In those two years, little has changed, it seems. There haven't been massive slow-downs of content. I don't have to pay extra to use social media, or anything else (although I keep accruing more and more subscriptions to different content providers, but that's a story for another time).

So, was FCC chairman Ajit Pai right, were Net Neutrality proponents really just doomsayers? Perhaps.

The good news is that we didn't see massive changes prior to March 2020 when the world shut down because of the COVID-19 pandemic. No, the business world largely stopped working in the old office model and those of us who were able, started working from home. Not only can I securely work from home, I video chat with my coworkers all day every day -- and I *do* mean ALL DAY. 

But, what if...

What if my ISP (or yours) had decided to block Video Calling, or VoIP, or VPNs, or whatever. Or what if they decided to ratchet down the speeds to Netflix unless we paid a premium? Or worse yet, what if they blocked it altogether while we were all secluded in our homes? It could have made a terrible thing much, much worse. 

They didn't. But under the FCC's rules of June 2018, they could. And that's the point. Because they might still.

A Brave New World

I have worked my entire adult life - more than a quarter century - in tech. Specifically, 26 years in what used to be dubbed "telecommunications." I started with what was originally a competitive long distance provider who later got into local telephony, then data networking (remember Frame Relay?) and then what was the beginning of the Internet as we know it today, and more. It was there that, in 2003-ish we got into Voice over IP (VoIP).

Then in 2007 I took a leap of faith along with some coworkers and launched a start up cloud service provider, a couple years before it was even called "the cloud". In the 13 years since we began we've grown from a few of us huddled in a tiny make-shift office to a multinational company with about 400 associates. Not only have we experienced tremendous growth, we have also seen our business, products, and industry morph to the market demands.

I consider myself a networking guy with experience in numerous different technologies, but my career has mostly focused on real-time communications -- telephony, VoIP,  video, Unified Communications (UC), Contact Center, and nowadays Collaboration. And that's why I never thought I would do what I did this week.

I permanently removed the phone from my desk.

What? A phone-guy removed his handset? Yes, I did. And guess what, it's pretty liberating!

Now, I realize this is not exactly ground breaking. People have been using soft phones and apps for quite some time. But until recently I needed that desk phone, and the quality of soft-phones were, frankly, iffy. But no more. Now I regularly hold video conference calls with people around the globe using a Collab client.

You see, we've jumped in on Collaboration. All in. And while we believe Collab is the future of communications, we also know that not every user needs the full monty, some just need dialtone. But the major players in Collaboration -- Microsoft and Cisco -- only fill part of the communications need so we've tightly integrated Collab with our cloud PBX and are working on doing the same with Contact Center.

There are physical ("hard") phones that work with the Collab offers, and I did trial it that way, but I found myself using the soft-client 95% of the time, and the mobility of that, coupled with my virtual desktop, made it just too easy to be able to work that way anywhere.

Yep, I'm a GenX, old-school phone guy without a phone. Welcome to the brave new world.

Pet Peeve - RESOLVED

Working as an engineer in tech I am expected to be precise. I like precise. Precise makes me happy. One of my biggest pet peeves has always been Microsoft's insistence on capitalizing things when I clearly typed it lower-case, on purpose. This is especially irksome in technical writing and even more so when working in Visio, creating diagrams. For instance, I type "ab123" and Microsoft corrects me and changes it to "Ab123".

Nooooooo. I really meant ab123. Really. Literally.

So, I let it, ahem, correct me, and then I change it back. It will usually accept my correction until I type it again elsewhere.

If you're like me, this is infuriating but you've probably accepted defeat and moved on. Well, pet-peeve no more, my friend. I finally found this meddlesome setting. And it is so very simple. I can't believe I've lived like this for so long.

In Visio (or the Microsoft app of your choice), select "File" then "Options" and then click the "Proofing" menu item on the left. Then click the "AutoCorrect Options..." button which will pop a new dialog box and (***angelic music***) this is where the magic checkbox is.

Uncheck "Capitalize first letter of sentences" then rejoice!

Rejoice and be glad! For your suffering is no more.

Why Good Design Matters

When we talk about good software design we are generally concerned with aesthetics and how efficient that software makes us. And no doubt these things can be important in our everyday lives. Sometimes, though, good design is far more critical than whether we save a few clicks here and there.

Last weekend the million residents and countless visitors to the state of Hawaii were thrown into 38 minutes of panic and mortal fear when an emergency text message was sent out to mobile devices reading, "BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL." In the hours and days that followed we learned, of course, that this was intended to be a drill and that the incorrect message was sent due to human error; the person that sent the message simply selected the wrong message.

Without having seen the software in question, one can tell that there are at least 2, and probably more, design failures with the emergency notification software.

The first issue is that the test messages and the real messages are apparently in the same area. While it is comforting to know that the Emergency Management Agency has "real" alerts already written and queued up to save precious seconds when sending an alert, to think that they are mixed with test alerts opens the opportunity for such a grave mistake.

A better choice might be to have test and real events, at least critical ones, on different screens. The challenge there is that if you have to change the process for the things that happen infrequently, that it could slow the process because the operator might have to think about to perform the task, and in moments of emergency you do not want people to have to think how to do anything, it should be rote. Consistency is key and I would agree with having the different events on the same page. So, how could this be made better? I would inject a step where the operator selects whether this is a test or not, with the test option being the default choice. Then, based on the choice they made, present the different options that match that criteria. Perhaps including a severity would also help.

The second design flaw is that, according to reports I've read, there is a final verification pop-up -- "Are you sure?" -- that must be acknowledged before the alert is sent. And while a confirmation of intent is good, if it comes up the same for every action a person takes, whether real or test, then the verification becomes less meaningful and is just an action taken to complete the task, not to acknowledge the gravity of the action itself.

Anyone who has used or installed software that has this sort of verification knows that people get numb to what the alert actually says and just clicks OK. For something as life altering as this message, that you are about to die by nuclear attack, one would think that the color of the screen would change, the screen would blink, there would be a beeping sound -- SOMETHING -- that makes it clear you are not just clicking "Next, Next, Finish."

A final thought on how to prevent such a debacle would be to consider some sort of two-factor acknowledgement when you are about to send something so ominous. Instead of a pop up that says, "Click OK" have the popup (flashing) display a random 4 or 6-digit number that the operator must type in. If this were to occur for only critical, real alerts it would be clear to the operator that they are about to send something of great significance.

Thankfully this was just a drill, and it will surely serve as a lesson to all emergency management teams  around the country. And hopefully it will be a lesson to the developers of their software too, that good design matters.

Interesting SPAM

I received an interesting bit of SPAM today and thought it might be fun to see where it goes. Here for your amusement (or at least mine) is the communication. My commentary is in [square brackets] and was not part of the email thread. His emails are in bold, mine are plain. I am leaving his email intact for spam crawlers and if any readers want to mess with him.


===============================================================

-----Original Message-----
From: Barrister Adams Coulibaly [mailto:diplomatichenrry@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 28, 2016 4:32 PM
Subject: Hello

Good Morning

I have decided to contact you due to the urgency arising in this matter, I am Hon.Barrister Adams Coulibaly, a solicitor at law. My late client was bearing a last name with you , who was a popularly known independent contractor here in Lome Togo.On 21 April 2008,he and his wife and only daughter were involved in an automobile accident while visiting a neighboring country on vacation. I contacted you to assist me in repatriating the fund valued of (US$13.5 million) into your account. Furthermore, in this transaction i want you confidentially reply to me directly for more details.

Contact me direct to my privet email for security resin ( acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com Thank you, Barrister Adams Coulibaly


===============================================================

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peter
Date: Tue, Jun 28, 2016 at 4:41 PM
Subject: RE: Hello
To: acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com



Dear Barrister Adams Coulibaly,

I received your urgent email and wanted to respond immediately. Given the confidential nature of the email I am sending from a different email account. I hope that's ok. I am saddened to hear about the death of my relative. I want to assist you but I have no idea what I can do to help.

Please let me know as soon as you can.

===============================================================

[I intentionally did not follow up to see what he'd do next]


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 1, 2016 at 3:44 AM
Subject: Hello Mr Peter
To: Peter


Hello Mr Peter

How are you today with your family, what is going on, i have send you
massage more Dan 3 times know respond i hope all is well. All the
information i want from you o that will can start the arrangement you
know talk to me again are you not interesting any more

Thanks and urgent respond

Barrister Adams


===============================================================


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peter
Date: Fri, Jul 1, 2016 at 6:55 AM
Subject: Re: Hello Mr Peter
To: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>


Barista Adams,

I am so happy you wrote back. I lost your previous email and I thought I'd lost out on this opportunity. Poor Uncle Victor! I know he would want me to have this money.

Attached is the information you requested. [I attached nothing] I am anxiously waiting your response.

P.S. Do you enjoy the smell of coffee when you're making it?  [Note, I addressed him as Barista]



===============================================================


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 1, 2016 at 10:31 AM
Subject: Hello Mr Peter
To: Peter

Dear Mr Peter Eisengrein,


This is the information i want from you     [Clearly he is all business]

Thanks for your response, my client Engr.Victor Eisengrein, died on 21
April 2008 with his family members without any registered next of kin
and the funds now have an open beneficiary mandate, he had no
registered next of kin and as such the bank has notified me to present
the relatives or have the funds confiscated, having searched for his
relatives without finding anyone alive, I decided to contact you
before the bank confiscates the money. However you need to furnish to
me with the following information.

1. Your full name
2.Home or office Address
3.Your private phone number
4. Marital status
5.Age & Nationality
6.Profession
7. A scanned copy of your Identity card or passport
.

With  your forwarded information, I shall be going to the Registry of
the Togolese High Court  to procure the per-requisite legal documents
and an Affidavit of claim in your favor as the next of kin to the late
depositor. This affidavit of claim is a legal paper work that will
confer on you, the statutory right to lay this claim. Upon the
procurement of the affidavit, I shall proceed to the bank and submit
every necessary document to the legal department to put claims for the
transfer of the said fund to your account. Once I file this
application,

Thanks



===============================================================


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peter
Date: Fri, Jul 1, 2016 at 12:34 PM
Subject: Re: Hello Mr Peter
To: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>


Barista,

I'm so sorry. You didn't get the info I sent the first time? I am re-attaching for you.  [I still attached nothing]

Do you serve scones with your coffee?


===============================================================


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 1, 2016 at 3:56 PM
Subject: Hello Mr Peter
To: Peter


Hello

Please i know receive the information send it again ok

===============================================================

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peter
Date: Sat, Jul 2, 2016 at 7:53 AM
Subject: Re: Hello Mr Peter
To: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>


Barista Coulibaly,

I am happy that it went through that time and you know you receive the information. When will I receive the money?   [I purposefully misinterpreted his response and totally ignored his request to "send it again ok"]

After the money is received I would like to get together with you and have some coffee. Maybe cappuccino? Do you like cappuccino? I bet you do. I bet you like cappuccino. I have a friend named Adam (no "s") and he LOVES cappuccino, but not with cinnamon on top. Can you believe that? He likes it plain. I always thought that the cinnamon was an important part of the cappuccino experience. My friend Adam drinks plain cappuccino every day. I bet you like cappuccino. I mean, how could you resist when you smell it all day. I'd want to drink cappuccino all day. I'd drink cappuccino with a scone every day if I were you.   [Yum. I love cappuccino!]

===============================================================

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peter
Date: Mon, Jul 4, 2016 at 10:25 AM
Subject: Re: Hello Mr Peter
To: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>


Barista,

Do you think we'll get the money today? I know you said it would take several days but I was hoping it would come today. Today would be great, don't you think?

I've been thinking what I would do  with over $6,000,000 dollars! Maybe we should go into business together. If we combine my 6 million with your 6 million we'd have 12 million (I'm very excellent at math) then we could do something really big. Don't you think? Don't you think we could do big things with 12 million dollars? I was thinking maybe we could go into business doing imports of -- you're going to love this -- coffee beans! We could start a premier coffee business.

Please let me know when you think we'll get the money and we can start our coffee business. Maybe we can call it Victor's Coffee, named after good old Uncle Victor.

This is going to be great!

===============================================================

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Peter 

Date: Mon, Jul 4, 2016 at 11:10 AM

Subject: Re: Hello Mr Peter

To: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>

Barista,

I talked to my friend Adam. You remember, I mentioned Adam. He's the one who doesn't like cinnamon on his cappuccino (can you believe that?!). Anyway, I told him about the coffee import business we're going to start and he would like to partner with us. He doesn't have 6 million dollars to put into the business but he does have 17 dollars and a nice watch that he is willing to invest.  [nod to Planes Trains and Automobiles]

Please let me know what you think about having Adam as a business partner. I told him you'd almost certainly be willing to have him since his name is Adam and your name is Adams. It's like it is meant to be.

===============================================================


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peter
Date: Mon, Jul 4, 2016 at 3:36 PM
Subject: Re: Hello Mr Peter
To: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>


Barista,

I talked to my friend Adam again about our business venture. You remember Adam. He's the one who doesn't like cinnamon on his cappuccino. Crazy. Anyway, we discussed the coffee import business we're starting and he had a great idea. Brilliant even. He suggested that we not only import coffee but we also import sugar. And then he even suggested that we start a dairy farm. What a crazy smart idea? Don't you think?

Anyway, I'm really excited about our future business venture!

I look forward to hearing from you soon!!!!!!!

===============================================================

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, Jul 5, 2016 at 6:10 AM

Subject: Re: Hello Mr Peter

To: Peter

ok so what is your dissipation

[Wait. What? Touche' Mr. Coulibaly. I did not see this one coming. My response will require some thought.]

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Mon, Jul 11, 2016 at 11:05 AM
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

Barista Coulibaly,

Sorry I have been slow to respond. I have been very, very busy. My friend, Ferris, was in town for a parade and we spent a lot of time doing so many things. Unlike Adam, Ferris likes cinnamon on his cappuccino. You remember my friend, Adam, right? He's the weirdo that doesn't like cinnamon on his cappuccino. Well, Ferris is not like that, Ferris drinks his cappuccino like a normal person.

Ferris has also been helping me search for warehouse space for our business (gotta have a place for all those beans!) and start getting all the other things in place for the business. So exciting!

Oh, and to answer your question, my dissipation is collecting antique coffee pots.



===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Fri, Jul 15, 2016 at 10:03 PM
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter Barista, I am disappointed in you. I thought you were a smart businessman. I accept your silence to mean you do not want to go into business with Adam, Ferris, and me. You'll regret it when we build our multi-billion dollar global coffee bean and dairy farm empire! I wish I could see your face when you realize what you chose to not participate in. Ferris and I, however, will be smiling a huge smile with cinnamon-speckled frothy lips (made from my antique cappuccino machine, of course). Adam will have frothy lips from the antique cappuccino machine too, they just won't be cinnamon speckled. I told you about my friend, Adam, right? He's the weird guy that doesn't like cinnamon on his cappuccino. Anyway, please send me the money you promised so that I can get Victor's Coffee bean empire going. I've gotten a warehouse and am currently waiting for the first shipment of beans to arrive from Greenland. Oh, and I bought a cow too. See you latte!  (See what I did there?) [Yes, I had just watched Ferris Beuhler]

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Fri, Jul 15, 2016 at 10:16 PM
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

One other thing... Dairy farming is harder than I thought it would be. The man sold me a "special" dairy cow. She has big horns and a single, large udder. She only gives about a half cup of milk and it tastes funny. [Ew]  I expected a bucket full.

I'll keep trying.

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sat, Jul 16, 2016 at 8:40 AM
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

It has been over 9 hours since I emailed you and I still have received the money you promised me.

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sat, Jul 16, 2016 at 8:40 AM
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

I hope my coffee beans arrive today.


===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 10:09 AM
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

Barista,

It's been a whole day since I emailed you. I just checked to see if the money you promised had arrived yet and, like cinnamon on Adam's cappuccino, nothing is there.

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 10:20 AM [11 minutes later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

While I wait for the money you promised to arrive I think I'll have a nice cup of cappuccino. I like it frothy with cinnamon on top. You know who doesn't like cinnamon on top? My friend Adam. I told you about him, right? He's that weird friend of mine who doesn't like cinnamon on his cappuccino. No cinnamon. Cappuccino sans cinnamon. Can you believe that?!? That's the strangest thing I've ever heard, no cinnamon on his cappuccino. Do you like cinnamon on your cappuccino, Barista? I bet you do. I bet you like cinnamon on your cappuccino because you're not weird like my friend Adam. I've told you about Adam, right?

Well, my cappuccino is ready! Bring on the cinnamon!

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 10:23 AM  [3 minutes later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

Yuck, this cappuccino tastes awful! I don't understand. I used milk I got from the cow this morning.

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 10:38 AM  [5 minutes later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

I just checked. The money you promised me still has not arrived.

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 10:38 AM  [< 60 seconds later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

I just checked again. Still not here.

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 10:39 AM  [1 minute later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

And again. Nothing.

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 10:45 AM  [6 minutes later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

Why is it taking so looooong.

I'll make another cup of cappuccino while I wait.

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 1:55 PM   [A couple hours later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

Still nothing.

At least the second cup of cappuccino was better. I used store bought milk. Stupid cow. And I had biscotti with my cappuccino. Do you like biscotti? I bet you do. I bet you like biscotti, Barista. I bet you love biscotti. You probably eat biscotti every chance you get. I'm a very good judge of character and I can usually tell when someone likes something like biscotti. I bet you love biscotti, don't you, Barista? One weird thing about biscotti, though. Is biscotti a cookie, a cracker, or a biscuit? I can't tell. But I sure do love biscotti with my cappuccino. Don't you, Barista? Don't you love biscotti with your cappuccino?

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 2:54 PM  [59 minutes later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

I'm stuffed. I ate too many biscotti.

Do you think the money you promised will arrive today? I hope so. I think the coffee beans might arrive tomorrow. How am I going to pay for 4000 pounds of coffee beans if the money is not here?

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Sun, Jul 17, 2016 at 4:55 PM  [2 hours later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

So Barista, you haven't told me much about yourself. It doesn't seem right that we are business partners and I don't know much about you. How did you become a barista? Did you have to go to school for it or did you already know how to make delicious coffee beverages? I bet you already knew. Didn't you, barista, you already knew how to make tasty coffee beverages.

What's your dissipation?   [I can play this too]

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Mon, Jul 18, 2016 at 5:52 AM
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

No money yet. No beans yet.

Is cappuccino your dissipation?

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Mon, Jul 18, 2016 at 6:25 PM
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

BEANS ARE HERE!!!

Do you have any idea how many coffee beans are are in 4000 pounds? Exactly 17,023,771 (I counted)

Wow!

===============================================================

from:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
to:		Peter
date:		Thu, Jul 21, 2016 at 9:14 PM
subject:		Hello Mr Peter

Hello My Friend

How are you today, please can i have your number to call you  [I don't think so]

===============================================================

from:		Peter
to:		Adams Coulibaly <acabinetcoulibaly@gmail.com>
date:		Mon, May 29, 2017 at 7:57 PM  [10 months later]
subject:		Re: Hello Mr Peter

Dear Barista,

I am so sorry that I haven't responded in a while. It's kind of a long story but I'll try to be brief.

As I'm sure you remember, I had just received shipment of 4000 pounds of coffee beans. I originally counted 17,023,771 beans but when I recounted I got 17,023,769, 17,023,772, and 17,023,782. [Who would count them at all, but FOUR times?]  Bonus beans! Anyway, I got the beans, and I had that cow, which I've named Holmes (after the famous actor Johnny Holmes). And my friends Ferris and Adam -- you remember Adam, right? He's the weird one that doesn't like cinnamon on his cappuccino. I mean, COME ON! Who doesn't love cinnamon on their cappuccino?  No one, that's who! I bet you like cinnamon on your cappuccino, don't you Barista? Don't you love cinnamon on your cappuccino, Barista? I bet you do. Anyway, Ferris, and Adam, and I were ready to go into business but you never sent the money like you promised. I'm sure it got lost in the mail. So, we didn't have the money but we had a warehouse full of coffee beans that we couldn't pay for. And we had that cow, Holmes, but no money because you never sent the money you promised. And so we went broke. And then I had to shut off my Internet connection, and then the power was shut off. And then I was forced to move out of my apartment. So I lived in the warehouse with the cow and the beans. Did I tell you about the milk from that cow? It was awful. 

So one day Ferris and Adam and I were sitting in the dark warehouse drinking cappuccino made from that cow and a man came by and he asked for a cup of cappuccino. Well, we didn't have money but we did have manners and we did have beans, so we gave him a cup. And guess what? Guess, Barista. Well, you guessed it, Barista, the man LOVED it, and we went into business with him. Funny thing is, this man, the one who loved our cappuccino and went into business with us, also doesn't like cinnamon on his cappuccino. W-W-WHAT??? Yes, he is just like my friend Adam who doesn't like cinnamon on his cappuccino. I've told you about my friend Adam, right, Barista, I've told you about Adam?

Long story short, we started with one coffee shop, grew it into 8 stores, and then we sold the whole chain of them. 

So with my earnings, I have bought a small herd of single utter cows. I'm broke again, but at least I have milk.

Anyway, Barista, thank you for your friendship. I'm afraid that this will be my last email as my Internet is getting shut off again at the end of this month. But if you want to call me, you can call me at 1-877-382-4357.   [The number for reporting scams at the FTC]


[His email is blocked and I will be shutting down the account. Done]

Interesting SPAM

UPDATE

Here's my initial response:

Dear Barrister Adams Coulibaly,

I received your urgent email and wanted to respond immediately. Given the confidential nature of the email I am sending from a different email account. I hope that's ok. I am saddened to hear about the death of my relative. I want to assist you but I have no idea what I can do to help.

Please let me know as soon as you can.

===============================================================


I received an interesting bit of SPAM today and thought it might be fun to see where it goes. Here's the original message:

-----Original Message-----
From: Barrister Adams Coulibaly [mailto:diplomatichenrry@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 28, 2016 4:32 PM
Subject: Hello

Good Morning

I have decided to contact you due to the urgency arising in this matter, I am Hon.Barrister Adams Coulibaly, a solicitor at law. My late client was bearing a last name with you , who was a popularly known independent contractor here in Lome Togo.On 21 April 2008,he and his wife and only daughter were involved in an automobile accident while visiting a neighboring country on vacation. I contacted you to assist me in repatriating the fund valued of (US$13.5 million) into your account. Furthermore, in this transaction i want you confidentially reply to me directly for more details.

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The Great Email Enigma

Several years ago I had an employee whom I'll call Richie. Richie used to send me an email and then walk over to my desk and say, "I just sent you an email." Since he'd already interrupted I would oblige and read his email so I could give immediate feedback and try to get back to what I was doing. I purposefully chose the word "try" because every interruption causes your mind to lose concentration and require you to regain your thought, sort of like how we (or I, anyway) have to re-read a paragraph or sometimes a whole page of a book if I stop to look at something else that's probably email.

In this excellent Harvard Business Review article, author Hal Newport suggests eliminating email in favor of having "office hours" where you have time set aside to talk with people that need you, same as professors do in college, Mr. Newport correctly states that email has created a fragmented dialog, one where a face-to-face conversation could "allow you to handle in three minutes decisions that might have otherwise taken three days of attention-snagging messages." I mostly agree.

The problem is, the business world isn't academia. Sure, professors have staff meetings and other peer-related responsibilities. However, professors are not having their classes interrupted by their peers. Their office hours are generally for students who are, essentially, the professor's customers. In most businesses it is not practical to schedule times when your customers may or may not contact you. Or put another way, your business hours ARE your office hours. In an office environment, your interruptions also come from your peers and in an open-office environment, like where I work, the frequency of interruptions can be amplified simply because you don't have a door to close or office hours to manage the barrage of interruptions.

Your peers don't mean to turn your day upside down, they just need to talk. Perhaps they just want to chat about last night's game. Or maybe they really need some bit of critical information that only you have. Whatever the reason, your peers are operating on their time schedule, not yours.

This is pretty powerful thing to understand. Your peers are operating on their time schedule, not yours. Anyone that has read Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People understands that this falls smack in the middle of Quadrant III. That is, getting from you this priceless nugget of information is urgent to them but is unimportant to what you need to get done.

So let's get back to Richie. His approach was classic Quadrant III -- to me -- but was Quadrant I - to him. To him, it was both urgent AND important, which is why he would stand over my shoulder until I read his email. And it is this misaligned sense of importance and urgency that is at the heart of the matter. If Richie was going to come to my desk anyway, why send the email in the first place? Perhaps he wanted it documented in writing. Perhaps he didn't think he could articulate it as well when speaking in real-time. Or, maybe he forwarded an email from someone else that gave it context. Whatever the reason, he sent it as an email. I am equally guilty of this crime.

To me, email is not an urgent medium. In today's information age we have numerous ways to communicate: phone call (including video calls), text messages, Instant Message (IM), social media. And face-to-face, real conversations too. For me, the order of urgency, from least urgent to most, is as follows:

• Social Media -- Unless you manage a support group or some sort of external communication via Social Media, or you are contacting someone who does, this is not a great choice for communicating real business needs. This is a way to be heard when you don't want or need a response. 
• Email -- Send an email when you need something from someone but the answer can wait. Maybe it can wait until tomorrow, or next week, or maybe by close of business. Whatever the case, email suggests that YOU are willing to work on THEIR timeline. Used properly, email can be really useful. But email is mostly abused and therefore we are all buried under an avalanche of these little electronic jerks. 
• Text Message / IM -- I combines these two forms of media because to me they have the same purpose, a short interruption for a small piece of information. These media are not well suited for long conversations but are ideal when you want a quick response. 
• Phone call -- This old fashioned standby is still as relevant today as it was when it was invented. A phone call means you want to have a conversation and you'd like to do it now. However, a phone call may be a Quadrant III activity and therefore the callee has the power to accept or decline the call. 
• Face-To-Face -- Walking over to someone's desk sends a message that, what I need to discuss is important enough that I am going to interrupt you whether you like it or not and I cannot wait for a response. 

The above order of precedence only works if both parties agree to it, which is almost never the case, though I do try to espouse it whenever possible which, admittedly, isn't as often as I'd like.

So what to do? The rise of communications options has given birth to whole industries that try to wrangle all this communication. It is proclaimed that apps like Slack are going to kill email once and for all. With 100 billion pieces of email being sent every day, that seems unlikely, at least any time soon. Though apps that actually help tame the beast are certainly worthwhile. But in reality, it this just another window to which we need to turn our attention?

Chances are, there will never be a single solution that solves this ever-growing problem. Because there will always be people like Richie who will come to your desk and say, "I just messaged you on Slack..."

Do you have a better way? Share it in the comments.